Thursday, February 22, 2024

Bemoaning the loss of useful media

    I don't know if it's my recent viewing of Lonesome Crowded West, the pitchfork Modest Mouse documentary, or just the general malaise I've been living with since quitting my last job in search of a career change and realizing the skills I have are more or less 30 years too late to be employable, but I've been really stuck on lamenting the loss of so much weird niche media due to the nature of the internet. 

    Let me back this up. I spend a lot of time doing research into classic Magic: the Gathering sets for retrospective freelance stuff, and my primary source for a lot of this is the mtgwiki. While the information available on the wiki is mostly correct, almost all of the official sources and references on those pages link back to dead posts from the official Wizards of the Coast blog. You get this awesome 404 message with a lol so cute! Fblthp whenever you try to follow one of these links back to an "Ask Wizards" column from 2004 or really anything besides a link to MaRo's tumblr. 

This sucks, I hate this stupid little asshole

    Sure, there are links that have been updated with the use of the Internet Archive's wayback machine, but these are few and far between. Most captures of the Magic news and articles from anytime before 2015 are basically gone, alongside any remnant of WotC's short lived online-only version of Dragon magazine (Dragon+). Countless articles full of insight into Magic's design philosophy and competitive play are just permanently erased from existence. 

    I was an avid reader of the MTG blog articles back in the day. Unfettered computer access but a child's sense of how to operate the web led me to sticking to the official pages for most of the niche interests I dove into online (I'd spend a lot of time on 40k forums, but that's a different post). I remember reading just about every post between the release of Ravnica and Guildpact. These weren't just great resources for the fresh young planeswalker, they were important discourse created by people who were passionate, knowledgeable, and, most of all, paid to do it.

    I think this might be the crux of my issue: as a unemployed man with a journalism degree and a passion for gaming and also self-pity, I find myself thinking often about how the writers that made Duelist, Dragon, early White Dwarf and other dork-adjacent magazines were basically living my idealized career path. A career path that, at the risk of sounding like a "born in the wrong generation" whiner, hasn't existed in 20 years. 

    The noble games-magazine contributor has shrunken from society, due mainly to the rise of the internet and subsequent decimation of the physical magazine industry, and then shortly followed by the rise of the Youtuber and subsequent decimation of the written word online almost entirely. Seriously, when was the last time you could search up something TCG or RPG related and the top three hits weren't from Tolarian Community College?

    No, instead now we must suffer the inane engagement-baiting hokum from afficionados with an clicks-based revenue stream where inflammatory and often outright wrong statements are the norm; cluttering up any actually productive discourse with white noise. 

    Before the capitalist drive to generate monetary value from every single little thing you did took over the RPG/TCG space and even the internet more broadly, writers were given steady employment through these magazines and afforded an outlet to generate discussion and positive narratives about their games. I've been subscribed to Chris Korczak, Bookseller at rpgrpgrpg.com for about a year now, receiving two vintage RPG mags every other month, and I've gotta say: the writing in these corny $5 magazines is genuinely the most useful gaming work I've ever read. 

    We'll take my copy of Dragon #261 as an example. Surprisingly, this July 1997 issue hasn't been uploaded as a PDF to the Internet Archive yet (I should probably take the initiative). The table of contents lists three different feature articles, a short fiction, twelve different regular columns, plus another seven articles ranging from topics on how to construct a better jungle wilderness for your players to statting up Dark Phoenix from the Marvel Superheroes TTRPG. This is all in addition to the letters to the editor and advice columns. This is a staggering amount of content to produce at such a high quality every single month. Compared to the quick turnaround and constant battering of 2024 "content," these articles might as well be peer-reviewed academic endeavors as far as the actual substance of each piece is considered. The content in just one of these articles outweighs most new hardcover 5th Edition D&D books. 

     Ray Winninger's Dungeoncraft column starts on page 20, and is a continuation of the previous month's topic of designing a base of operations for the PCs in an AD&D campaign. Over the next five pages, Winninger goes into essential concepts to introduce in the players' hometown; a rumor mill, interesting NPCs, and "secrets" to use as adventure hooks or motivations for the NPCs. Five pages might not seem like enough to cover these in detail, but Winninger's succinctness doesn't diminish the value of his column. In two paragraphs Winninger sets the base for what makes an NPC memorable, and then spits out two townsfolk to populate his AD&D village Ironoak. I'm not going to run down the entire Dungeoncraft article, suffice to say it contains the kind of insight you don't get from a quick turnaround Youtube video with a title like "Top 10 Ways You're Building NPCs Wrong!" or whatever.

    Letters to the editor are another form of communication we've lost to the surging annals of time and capital. In the pre-forums days, this was just about the only get in on the larger community discussions and either share your opinion or ask for help. One of my favorite examples of this comes from Dragon #210, published in October of 1994. 

Yeah, me too man

    Clint Hooper writes in to Dragon to bemoan the obsession his AD&D players have developed with Magic: The Gathering. The editor's response is mostly benign, sort of a "Heh, yeah we're having this problem, too." This would be about 3 years before WotC purchased TSR (and Dragon magazine), so they're understandably neutral on MTG's popularity, but that's not the point, here. What makes this letter so memorable is the snapshot of 1994 gaming spaces it gives us. Never before had a card game been so popular that it might dethrone the almighty Dungeons and Dragons from its seat at the head of the table of game night. 
    These sorts of laments are now the dominion of r/DND posts, possibly the worst space on the internet for anyone looking for discussions about the actual game of D&D and not just cries for help with social issues from the socially repressed. The ease of sending this communication online has drastically dropped the average quality of communication, and social media sites tend to favor posts that are either already generally accepted by the group at large (like Reddit), or posts with purposefully bad takes and misinformation (like Twitter). 
    Overall, without the curation of a skilled editor, we're left sifting through an endless sea of takes and opinions that expire mere hours after they're sent out into the ether, devoid of any actual content or lasting concepts. They're made to be ingested and quickly forgotten about; there's no real thought or intention behind most of the noise surrounding communication in these spaces besides a drive to generate clicks and views and revenue. At least in Hooper's letter, the choice to publish it was made with intention, and now it survives as a first hand historical document of gamers' opinions and lives at the time.

    I guess where I'm going with all this is we've seen a drastic drop in quality of discussion and communication in the online spaces, and I've found a lot of solace in vintage written work. I guess solace implies I'm no longer upset that these jobs just don't exist anymore. Let me be clear: I'm still mad about it. I know this profession has more or less morphed into Substack and personal blog pages, and while I'm a regular reader of several blogs, I can't shake the bad taste of capitalism and clickbait from my mouth. 

Friday, December 1, 2023

The Bloodstone Lands

Based on the illustration by Larry Elmore 

Part One

    Feldrinnal’s horse snuffed at the winter air, puffing clouds of vapor from its nostrils as their troop marched across the snowy wastes. No one spoke. The fresh powder from the previous night muted the sound of snow crunched under foot, hoof and sled as Feldrinnal and his party made their way through the valley between the Icehorn mountains. The air bit at the exposed skin on the hand gripping the reins to his mount, while the other nearly froze and stuck to the haft of his spear. Feldrinnal did not care. His prize was nearly in his grasp.

    The events of the previous days had been strange, even for one who’s lived as strangely as Feldrinnal. When the frost giant had appeared at the gates to his great hall and proposed a trade to Feldrinnal, he couldn’t refuse, no matter how his court had advised him against trusting the monster.

    “Great Thane Feldrinnal,” the giant had said, its deep voice rumbling like an ice storm against the walls of his great hall, “You have sent many foes screaming to their gods. You have faced beasts and horrors un-faced by any for centuries. You have scoured the southern lands in search of glory for many years. Yet you have not journeyed into the Bloodstone Lands. I ask you: why?”

    Feldrinnal knew why, and he knew the giant knew why. Every servant, farmer, drunkard, knight, scholar, and priest in the keep knew why. Feldrinnal didn’t appreciate the coyness of the question, but still made an effort to respect his twenty-foot tall guest. 

    “The Bloodstone Lands are forbidden to my people by our gods,” he answered, coldly.

    “How did that come about?” More coyness. 

    “Surely one as long-lived as you has heard the tale, giant?”

    Beneath his massive hood, the giant’s expression did not change. Nothing but a frown was visible in the dim torchlight.

    Feldrinnal sighed, his chin coming to rest on his massive fist, and decided to humor his guest.

    “Centuries ago, the forefathers of the Icehold people ruled the plains north of the mountains. They commanded unquestioned authority from the peaks to the northern seas and beyond. They ruled with an iron fist, before the giants came and showed them the true meaning of tyranny. 

    “From their mountain stronghold, the lords of my people made futile war on the giants, but what was an army of mortal men against the children of the gods? Even the lowliest giant was more than a match for ten fighting men. It was less of a war and more of a genocide.

    “All but one warlord remained in the Bloodstone Lands. While the rest fought to the death, consumed with honor and motivated by divine zeal, Feldrin the Red, my great-grandfather, retreated with his men back through the mountain before settling safely on the far side of the range. There, he entered into a divine covenant with Yord, the warrior god. Beseeching Yord for the strength to defend his people from the giants, Feldrin’s lineage was blessed with the blood of the giants, guaranteeing a line of royal Thanes that could defend their new homeland.”

    Feldrinnal paused to sip from his goblet. The giant looked on expectantly. 

    “Go on, please. Why did the warrior-men never return to the Bloodstone Lands?”

    After a moment, Feldrinnal said, “Feldrin the Red found his newfound strength intoxicating. Defeating the giants would complete our pact with Yord, and Feldrin feared the loss of the gift granted us by Yord.”

    “And you, great Thane? Do you fear the loss of your gifts, should you choose to reclaim your people’s homeland?”

    Feldrinnal did not know what he felt. He feared no living thing. He had crushed his fear beneath his divinely granted strength and combat prowess his entire life, just as his father had, and his father before him, and his father before him.

    “I fear nothing, giant, save the erasure of my people from the land.”

    Seemingly satisfied, the giant approached Feldrinnal’s throne, crossing the room in three great steps. He dropped to one knee, though Feldrinnal was unsure whether it was a sign of obeisance or simply to stare him in the eye. It was then that he got his first good look at his visitor; deep green eyes slashed across the room, set in pale blue skin criss-crossed with tribal scarification. A beard of matted white hairs as thick as strong rope hung loosely from under the giant’s nose, alternatively braided in complex knots or clumping together in a disheveled manner. He felt icy cold breath escape the giant’s nostrils and run across the ground, disturbing dust particulates with every exhale. 

    “There is a way, Feldrin the Youngest, to save your people’s homeland without sealing your covenant forever,” the giant began. “Your gods and warlocks have lied to you about the source of your power. It comes not from the mighty deity Yord that you love so dearly. Nay, it comes from the very Bloodstone of the mountains you’ve fled!”

    This was an affront. “Heresy!” spouted the nearest man to Feldrinnal. His advisors had gathered alongside him during the meeting, but had remained frozen in silent terror until this moment. “Heretic! He blasphemes against our patron! He must be sent away, great Thane!” 

    Feldrinnal held his hand up for quiet. His high priest began to protest again, but a malicious sideways glance silenced him again. 

    “You make great claims, giant. You’d best have some proof of your heresy, lest I cleave your head from shoulders here and now. I’ve already been more than gracious by allowing you to explain yourself. 

    Feldrinnal caught a nearly imperceptible smile cross the giant’s face, and a twinkle of amusement in his eye, before he spoke again. 

    “I can prove it, of course.” Producing a pouch the size of a full barrel from his belt, the giant reached in and produced a single black stone. The onyx-colored rock was of a fair size, but looked miniscule in the giant’s huge fingers. The edges seemed to glow red, faint light-lines peeking out from behind its silhouette no matter how the room’s illumination touched it.

    “A great vein of Bloodstone,” the giant had said. “An ore planted in the earth in the times before men. Deep beneath the ancient mountain strongholds of your people, warrior-king.” 

    The giant extended the blood stone to Feldrinnal. He took the stone and turned it over in his hand. The dark red light seemed to seep from its edges, but as he stared into it he saw only the plain black surface. 


    The road through the tundra was a dangerous one, even outside of the wintertime. No man had laid claim to this area as his home in generations, and in man’s absence abominations had migrated from the far north to take up residence in the drifts and amongst the ruins of Feldrin’s ancestors. Tales told of malicious tribes of orcs and goblins that picked through the snow-dusted fortresses and keeps that marked the land, detailing the boundaries to kingdoms long forgotten. 

    It was as early as the first night that Feldrinnal’s excursion encountered foes. They gathered in a loose circle around a campfire, setting the sleigh as a buffer between themselves and the treeline before the last light of day plunged them into darkness. The horses were tethered to the sleigh with a bit of slack, and then left to rest. Men took it in shifts watching the treeline and the fields around them, shivering from the cold in their positions far from the fire. 

    They sat silently. Feldrinnal and his men sat picking at tough bread and jerky while the giant, who had given his name as Anders, sat apart from them, opposite the sleigh, motionless against the backdrop of tundra. Feldrinnal couldn’t tell whether he was conscious or not. He didn’t even seem to breathe. 

    Anders had led them up the tundra between the two mountain ranges that struck out into the frozen north. The giant's loping steps had set a fast pace for Feldrinnal and his men, and he knew Anders must’ve had to adjust his stride to not leave them behind. 

    Feldrinnal had ridden most of the way, only dismounting where the fresh snow was too soft and too deep to risk the combined weight of a man and horse. In these stretches, waist-deep snow could stretch on for miles, leaving a man half-frozen before he could find solid ground again. Feldrinnal was soaked from the belly and down, more or less, and was grateful they hadn’t yet found a reason to extinguish the fires. As Thane, it was Feldrinnal’s right to take the first watch, and soon he found himself staring out into the treeline as the rest of his company lay on their cots. 


    It was Gerig, on the second watch, who woke Feldrinnal. First the gentle pressure of a hand on his shoulder, and then opening his eyes to stare into Gerig’s wrinkled face, mere inches above him. Gerig’s finger was pressed to his lips to indicate silence. He stood up slowly, careful not to crunch too loudly in the snow, before motioning for Feldrinnal to get up and follow him.

    Gerig had been housecarl to Feldrinnal’s father, and though the man was aged, he was no less the warrior for it. Countless campaigns into the southern lands had made Gerig strong, and years at court had kept his mind sharp, even in his late years. One mean scar cut across Gerig’s face from the edge of his hairline down past his eye and into his cheekbone. He wore it like the battle honor it was. 

    Gerig carefully led Feldrinnal to the edge of the camp, kneeling beside the sleigh and poking his head around the corner. When he turned back, all he said was, “Look.”

    There, 150 feet from the sleigh and about equidistant to the treeline, four lumbering man-like silhouettes came slowly towards the camp. In the darkness, Feldrinnal could not make out any details, save that they must’ve been ten feet tall to a man, with arms that hung the entire lengths of their bodies with knuckles that dragged at the snow as they walked. 

    “Your sharp eyes have served us well, Gerig. Ice trolls are nearly impossible to detect when moving through open country. Wake the others, we’ll prepare ourselves and be ready.”

    Even as he finished and turned to begin waking the others, a shadow fell across him, blocking out the light from the campfire. Feldrinnal found himself face to belly with a disgustingly wrought imitation of a human. The thing’s long, greasy hair fell in thin strands over a distended face dominated by a mouth of razor teeth. It’s snot-colored skin was patched with blood-matted fur that betrayed a torso both emaciated and muscular at the same time. Cold breath struck Feldrinnal’s face and made him gag. 


    The funerary pyre had been a grand conflagration, grand enough to match the measure of the man that now burned atop it. Feldrinnal had observed the traditional death rites of his people, yet the honor they showed his father in death had left him with a hollow feeling within.

    The night air had cooled the fire to sputtering embers before Feldrinnal looked away. The hours had seen every other mourner depart, save one. Standing a respectful distance behind Feldrinnal, Gerig waited at attention. His stoney face betrayed no emotion, but Feldrinnal knew he felt the loss of the Thane deeper than any of the simple warriors under his command. 

    There, as the orange light waved across his countenance, Gerig had comforted Feldrinnal in the only way two men of their stature could. A moment after the young Thane’s backward glance, Gerig was behind him, his hand resting on Feldrinnal’s shoulder. Another moment, and then Gerig spoke.

    “He was a great man, Feldrinnal, he will be remembered.”

    “His passing held no honor, Gerig. A consumptive illness is no way for a warrior such as my father to perish,” Feldrinnal said, and then, “What is the use of our bloodline’s great power if it cannot stop the simplest death? We meter out destruction on our foes with reckless abandon, knowing our divine strength will never falter, but a man cannot face disease in battle. What a cruel joke played by our gods.”

    Gerig knew the melancholy that now gripped the new Thane well - he had seen three generations of this kingly sorrow come over his lieges in nearly a century as housecarl. Gerig suppressed a sigh as best he could; he’d had a lot of practice in the art of consoling young nobles throughout the years, and was beginning to get pretty good at it.

    “The divinity granted to your blood through the gods is not always so literal, young Thane. Tell me, what makes a man divine?”


“To arms!” he shouted. “To arms! Trolls!” 

    Feldrinnal immediately ducked, anticipating the troll’s wild swipe at him. The beast’s claws flew overhead and struck the side of the sleigh, causing it to rise up on one blade briefly before smashing back down. This sent the horses into a frenzy, and Feldrinnal saw Gerig cut them loose before he, too, rolled away. 

    The camp was alive with violence in second. Once clear of the troll, Feldrinnal was sprinting towards cot and the sword lying next to it. In that same second, the sleigh was rocked back it’s side as the trolls approaching from the forest charged at the camp, choosing to collide with the sleigh rather than redirect their sprint and lose momentum. The sleigh, caught between the immense force of the troll’s inertia and the unyielding snowpack, splintered and burst, sending shrapnel raining across the camp.

    By the time Feldrinnal had drawn his sword and spun about, Anders was already threatening the first troll. Standing head and shoulders above the twisted creature, he threw a wide punch into the thing’s skull and knocked it off its feet. Four more of the trolls closed around the giant as men grabbed at spears and shields and struggled to their feet. Anders swung around in a full circle, backhanding another troll and knocking its drooling jaw out of alignment with the rest of its head. 

    Men cut and stabbed at the beasts, flanking them in pairs or trios and jabbing with longspears to keep out of the creatures’ long reach. Feldrinnal watched as the man next to Gerig struck a troll through the chest with a spear, only to have the thing break the haft off in its body before seizing the man in two monstrous claws. The troll raised him, screaming, into the air before lowering his head into its mouth and clamping its jaw shut, silencing his screams. 

    Gerig used the beast’s gluttony to his advantage, stepping around its sight. He stabbed up into its ribcage, then brought the blade free in a horizontal slash that left ruined entrails spilling from the wound. If the troll felt the strike, it made no indication. Before Gerig’s eyes, the flesh around its gut had already begun to knit and reform, the thing’s intestines retreating into its torso before the skin sewed itself shut. 

    Feldrinnal couldn’t let him have all the fun. Summoning the strength of his ancestors, Feldrinnal felt his muscles tighten and his heart rate relax as his years of battle prowess mingled with the ancient magic of his bloodline. With a wordless cry, he raised his sword above his head and charged back into the fray. 

    The blade, reacting to his fiery zeal, began to burn white-hot. Feldrinnal felt the surge of holy energy flow through his body and vowed to slay these frozen hellspawn just as his ancestors had. Feldrinnal stepped to the troll now facing Gerig, and slashed at its legs with a wild abandon. His blade left two sizzling wounds on the back of the troll’s knees, and it fell to a kneel. Gerig finished it off with several heavy chops to its throat, taking two or three attempts to completely decapitate it. Ichor fountained from the headless body as the thing’s blackened heart continued to pump foul blood through the air, showering Feldrinnal and Gerig with gore.

    A fist the size of a boulder smashed Feldrinnal from his feet with the force of a chariot at full-tilt. He careened several feet through the air before crashing into the snow, dragging an impact mark along the ground. He touched his hand to his temple, where the beast had struck him, and saw through spinning vision first the blood soaking his fingers, and then the troll beyond charging to finish him off. He brought his sword up in a horizontal parry just as the troll’s fists arced down towards his skull. The blade, still burning with the fire of Yord, deflected the blow, shattering at the hilt with an explosion of blinding light and sending the troll’s crushing attack into the snow beside him. Before he could jump to his feet, a backhanded swipe to his chest sent Feldrinnal rolling through the drift again. 


    “What is it that makes a god divine?” Anders had asked. 

    The thought had never crossed Feldrinnal’s mind. Now, the question posed to him at the head of his great hall, Feldrinnal did not want to appear un-philosophical. 

    “The gods are granted divinity by virtue of being the first created. They were formed from the primordial elements of chaos, before time began. Their essence is the very stuff reality is made of.” Feldrinnal surprised himself with his own answer. Perhaps he was a philosopher.

    “Does being old always grant one the right to rule?” Anders had followed up. 

    “Not always, but wisdom comes from experience, and many of our kind revere their elders, if that’s what you’re asking.”

    Anders seemed to ignore the answer. “If what you say is true, then could not another god come from the primordial chaos and into being? Would this god be any more or less divine than the others?”

    Feldrinnal was beginning to become fed-up with this teasing game of question-and-answer. “Out with it, giant. What is your point to this? How does this concern me, or your magic rock?” He asked, with more than a bit of obvious irritation.

    Anders let the question hang a moment before answering.

    “The great powers of this world are not always what they seem, Great Thane. The stories we tell ourselves about our origins are, more often than, not fantasies we’ve created. We weave tales to make ourselves and our choices more important than we actually are. True divinity is acquired from belief, in stories and in people.

    “This is the stark truth of your people, Thane: No covenant with the gods granted you your strength and the power to rule. For generations, your ancestors drew power from the deep magic of the minerals in the mountain. No magical divinity was gifted to you; instead, you are emboldened by the mundane energies contained within the Bloodstone veins of the mountains. And you must return.”

    Several ribs cracked as he stood, and Feldrinnal still felt the ringing in his forearm from his clash with the troll. With some distance between and the closest foe, he had a moment to observe the field of battle. Four trolls continued to terrorize his warriors, the two he had disengaged with turning to battle Anders as his four remaining soldiers prodded at another pair to keep them at spear-length. Feldrinnal could not make out Gerig anywhere. 

    Anders wielded no weapon, but was more than a match for the two trolls. His ancient fists pounded at their bodies, striking them one the chest and sending it reeling just as it had to Feldrinnal. The other came in with a wild strike to Anders’ side, which he caught mid-swing in one giant fist. Bringing his other arm around to brace against the thing’s torso, he gave a mighty rip and tore the appendage from the troll’s body. It let out a bestial howl that forced Feldrinnal to cover his ears. Anders silenced it with a follow up strike to the skull.

    Already, the downed troll had begun to recover. Feldrinnal could hear its bones working beneath its leathery hide, reknitting themselves. Scooping a spear from the ground nearby, he charged, crossing the thirty feet to the troll in seconds. He leapt, brought the spear above his head, and lanced down at the troll. The spear bent in a brief moment of resistance before piercing the troll’s skull and driving all the way through to emerge beneath its jaw. His feet firmly planted in the creature’s rotting hide, he rode the troll down to the ground as it bent at the knees, and then collapsed under its own dead weight.

    An exciting kill, to be sure, but he had no time to admire his work. He heard the heavy breath behind him before he spun and saw yet another monster, this one wielding a dislodged tree stump, aiming a strike at his head. In that instant, he considered his options. Weaponless, he had no way to deflect the blow before it fell, and diving to the left or right would leave him open to the follow-up swing. Every thought crossing his mind in that half-second saw him crushed beneath this troll’s primitive savagery. Out of some bizarrely ingrained sense of honor, Feldrinnal saw no use in diving away. He simply stood and prepared to die on his feet, like a warrior king should. 

    Mid-swing, the troll stopped suddenly, dropping the stump, its face contorted into an inhuman mix of confusion and pain. It was Gerig’s scowling face emerging from above the troll’s shoulder that shocked Feldrinnal at that moment, and then he saw his blade rise up and dive back into the troll’s back, anchoring Gerig to the creature as he drew and stabbed his sword time after time into its body. Blood sloshed out and onto the ground with each withdrawal, and the beast reeled backwards and clawed at its back with its long, misshapen arms. One hand closed around Gerig’s body, and with the last bits of its malice-fueled strength, the troll hurled him hard across the campsite, colliding with the destroyed sleigh. Gerig did not cry out as his body came to rest, and he did not struggle to stand.

    That was more than enough distraction. Feldrinnal closed with the troll even as it swung wildly to remove Gerig from its back. He reached for Gerig’s sword, still embedded in the flesh of the troll, and used it as a handle to climb atop the beast and finish the job. He drew the sword from its troll-shaped sheath and drove it back down into the thing’s skull. 

    Across the way, one troll was downed as three men launched at it simultaneously with spears, skewering it in place and unable to draw itself closer to any of the warriors. A fourth man approached from its flank and hacked at the beast’s neck until it died there. In the wild melee, Feldrinnal hadn’t even seen the last troll drop, but a gorey mess on the ground nearby spoke of its fate. 

    Feldrinnal crossed the camp to the wreckage of the sled. There, he found Gerig’s body, broken and lifeless, his neck mostly snapped when he came into contact with the wooden frame. It was no way for a warrior to die, perishing in a fight against lowly beasts of chaos. Feldrinnal remained there for several minutes, standing quietly above his dead friend and mentor.

    In the quiet after the fight, Anders appeared beside him. He looked down on the crushed body of Gerig.

    “I’m sorry,” he said. Then, after a moment, “He gave his life to buy you precious seconds, Great Thane. He did not die dishonored.”

    “His story will be passed down to my sons, and my sons’ sons, until my blood no longer walks the land," Feldrinnal said.

    “He was a great man. He will be remembered.”


Monday, October 23, 2023

Hellbent on Small Ball

     

    Decklist

All Kitchen Table Decks 

I’ve had more access to Magic: The Gathering cards than most players could hope to see in their lives. My coworkers and I were responsible for the integrity of probably the largest single collection of Magic cards on the west coast, and possibly the world. Something like 250,000+ individual SKUs spread across four graded conditions with another thousand released every three weeks. You’d be surprised how quickly you memorize the names, art and locations of 250,000 Magic cards. 

Four years of unfettered access and an employee discount did a number on me, on a large scale altering who I am and what I want out of a career, but that’s not what I wanna talk about. On a much smaller scale, working at CK so completely altered the way I enjoy Magic that I doubt I’ll ever be the same. 

A 10% discount on singles would be enough to get any competitive player salivating at the possibilities. I had more than a few coworkers who loved to grind the comp scene, and they did very well generally at events, due to the ease with which they could swap out decks to match the meta. 

While never a real competitive player, my first purchase when I was hired was the dominating Standard deck of the era, the infamous Risen Reef landfall deck. I never took it to an FNM, and instead just punished my roommates with it for a few months before taking it apart. 

Slithering Shade - Daren Bader

Then it was March 2020, and the competitive scene for Magic was effectively dead in the water. A recent Reddit post generated some discussion on the topic, but mostly it was the inability to play in physical spaces and the nightmare meta of the time that found many players disenchanted with the game as WotC was selling it. Folks became more invested in their private pods and play groups and turned towards casual, kitchen table Magic, as one redditor puts it. 

 I’m of a mind to agree, mostly. While my disenchantment with the game came from a different source (“seeing how the sausage gets made,” as it were), I also found myself experiencing a nostalgic longing for the Magic that originally enticed me as a child. 

2012 saw the release of Innistrad into Standard and also the release of Jeff into high school. Though I’d been collecting cards for as long as I could remember, it wasn’t until then that I started to really grasp the intricacies of advantage and threat assessment and optimal mulligans and all that. I had picked up the 2012 vampire themed Event Deck as well as the Zombies one from later that year (from Avacyn Restored). With no money for valuable singles we played exciting best-of-three matches in class, at lunch, before and after school; basically whenever we could find a flat surface large enough to encompass the field. Our decks were cobbled-together Frankensteins built from the remains of the one or two drafts we could attend, whatever intro/theme/event decks we could get our hands on at Target, and the singles we could trade for. This meant decks with only one or two copies of what would be considered their “key cards” and a lot of on-theme chaff. This, to me, was the perfect Magic. A constructed format with a pseudo-limited access to cards. Deck’s power levels were insanely swingy, and almost entirely depended on who could draw their rares. Games were won and lost on the merit of your wits, usually. 

There’s a concept in baseball called “small ball,” which sits in opposition to “big ball” (I know, crazy). Small ball is an offensive strategy that calls for putting runners on base, moving them into scoring position, and then advancing them home in a slow, methodical way. It’s the opposite of “big ball,” where flashy home runs make up the majority of runs scored. We were playing small ball Magic. 

Maybe this is all a misguided attempt to recapture the nostalgia I feel for younger days, and maybe that’s fruitless, but that didn’t stop me from purchasing the cards I needed for something like two dozen battle decks for my Kitchen Table League. I’m not sure if I’m looking to write primers on these decks, or just discuss their play style in the environment I’m creating. The former seems a bit out of place, since the goal of these decks is ostensibly that you’ll be able to pick them up and play without much pregame planning, so maybe I’ll stick to the latter. Who cares, it’s my blog. 

I think it was the release of Modern Horizons 2 that initially sent me over the edge. By then I had mostly divorced myself from constructed Magic, keeping my EDH decks together in sleeves because it was the only format I could play reliably, casually. Limited formats were scratching my itch, but I needed to more (or, less, I guess). 

A 10% discount on singles can get you a lot of cards. Especially if you aren’t purchasing anything expensive. Especially if those inexpensive cards are playsets of every card with hellbent, the worst mechanic from Dissension. Well, not true, forecast was in that set as well. 

The reintroduction of the Hellbent mechanic in that set got me thinking about one of the favorite MTG products: the Dissension theme deck “Rakdos Bloodsport.” I got this back in 2005/6 and played it religiously in casual games between class. Feeling the nostalgia poison that many of us have acquired here in the early 2020s, I purchased the deck list singles for less than $10 and got to work on expanding it and living out my teenage dreams.

Hellbent was never a great mechanic since its design is counterintuitive to how you want to play Magic. Typically, it’s always beneficial to have more cards in your hand. Hellbent cards have small to medium buffs when you’re top decking, which is usually not a position you want to put yourself in. As soon as this mechanic rotated out of Standard (or type 2?) it was quickly forgotten. Modern Horizons 2 printed a small spattering of new hellbent cards, so I wanted to see if you could make a playable deck from them. I knew it would never stand against anything at an FNM, but it looked like the deck would top out at about $20, so I hit send. 

This deck was the first of the Kitchen Table League and it remains one of my favorites. It’s an aggro deck that gets advantage in an untraditional way (going hellbent) and plays against the disadvantage of not having cards in hand by using newer draw/discard mechanics that weren’t present in hellbent’s original environment. 

The current decklist and maybeboard are in playtest mode still, since I’ve had more trouble than I expected trying to convince people to play bad, slow Magic with my cards and even more trouble trying to convince them to build something out of their own draft chaff. That said, it’s still a fun deck to play, even with all these one-ofs and two-ofs. 

Rakdos Headliner is the best new card to compliment hellbent decks. A 3/3 with haste is a ton of damage on turn two, and its echo cost is more of an upside in this deck than downside. The original Rakdos Bloodsport deck used Drekavacs to pitch the lands and extra spells from your hand to the graveyard, but that was always a sub-optimal choice (we’re keeping the Sadistic Augermage from the original deck because while it fulfills the same role, its symmetrical effect is a funny way to lock our opponent’s draw down). Anything we can’t cast, we want to get value out of as we pitch it. That means using Terminal Agony and other madness cards to cast spells while we don’t cast spells. 

Also helping us clear our hand are a couple big early threats. Avatar of Discord, Rotting Regisaur and  Bloodrage Brawler will dump your hand way quicker than you’d expect. However, they run the risk of kneecapping you early if you can’t hang onto any spell in your hand.

That’s where Bottled Cloister comes in. This unique artifact from the original Ravnica block seems like its intended use is protection from sorcery-speed discard on your opponents turn, but here it’s our hellbent-enabler and extra draw. Think of it as the KTL environment’s The One Ring in terms of advantage generation (this is a huge stretch). 

The issue with hellbent at the time was draw was a lot weaker in red in 2006, but the new ways red can loot and impulse draw (is that really what we’re landing on for that?) lets you filter through a hellbent deck without filling up your hand needlessly, or splashing into blue. Faithless Salvaging and Reckless Impulse are the two I bounce between, eventually one or the other will go to 4 copies. 

That’s about it. Anthem of Rakdos, Nihilistic Glee, Gibbering Descent and Taste for Mayhem are just there for fun and flavor. Anthem, Glee, and Descent are just heavy investments in a deck that’s trying to be aggressive, but they can save you in games that go long. They also make great cards to discard to The Underworld Cookbook or Viashino Lashclaw. 

I realize the maybeboard is 86 cards long. I've really gotta clean that up.

Notably I've maybeboard'd Infernal Tutor (for possibly being too good for this format), Slaughterhouse Bouncer, Tragic Fall, and a few others for fearing of ruining the deck's curve. These cards make good side-ins against decks that'll force a long game (I'll write up some of those later). Cutthroat il-Dal always excites me but ends up being too fragile in this meta.

For the record, purchasing the deck didn't wipe away the embarrassing nostalgia I have for simpler times. But it did start me along this deck building project that I could use to distract myself from the nostalgia. So that's something. 

Decklist

All Kitchen Table Decks

Monday, October 9, 2023

Title and Registration and Earl

     Two things happened this weekend that affected me. The first was Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie turning 20 years old, and the other was the release of Earl Sweatshirt’s VOIR DIRE. Both made me think about my life in a retrospective way that feels kind of cringe but is still something we should all turn and face at some point or another. 

    Twenty years ago, I was eight. A little too young to listen to Transatlanticism, I wouldn’t discover it until I was twelve or thirteen, probably. I remember the moment exactly: riding in the middle seat in my mom’s minivan, on the way to pick up something she’d left at her office by accident some Saturday morning (purse, cell phone, something), in-ear SkullCandy headphones playing the album off of a Sony CD walkman I’d had since time immemorial. I think my aunt gave me the CD sometime that year; I remember her getting a PC that could burn mp3s to disk and asking me all the time what sort of music I was into. Tiny Vessels came on and I had such a visceral emotional reaction I started to cry in the back seat. I think a lot of young boys, especially those raised in upper-middle white homes that go to church every week with both parents and have next to no problems, don’t frequently reckon with sad emotions such as the ones Ben Gibbard’s hopelessly sigh-ing out all over that record. Suffice to say, I had never before felt emotions the likes of which Gibbard describes in Tiny Vessels or Passenger Seat - understandably, because I was barely out of middle school. It still shocked something into me, and it felt like I grew up ten years during that 45-minute runtime. I’d call it a fond memory, or something adjacent to a fond memory.

    Twelve years ago, I was 16, and so was Earl Sweatshirt. I had recently crested the upper-middle white kid music taste hill and was coming around to rap, and like many suburban white boys, I got really into Odd Future after the release of Yonkers. I spent a lot of time listening to that first hyper-violent EARL mixtape, and then even more time with Doris when it was out a few years later. It’s a uniquely 2011 16-year-old experience to have. I was really into those albums for their violent imagery; sort of the direct opposite why I loved Transatlanticism so much. It felt like a similar outlet to the metal and hardcore I was just getting into, as well. An undiagnosed mental illness will do that to you. I, too, was disenchanted with the monoculture and radio pop-rap. I imagine it's how a lot of kids feel when they find their local punk scenes, something I wouldn’t really start leaning into until I was in college and had a band of my own.

    Nine years ago, I was starting college. Pacific Lutheran University was the in-state private college I ended up at in scenic Parkland, Washington. Parkland had one venue for live music, and it was a really, honestly poorly-run coffee shop on the constructed main street just outside the campus boundaries that was carefully fabricated to give the illusion that you weren’t attending college in unincorporated Pierce county. The cafe did open mics every wednesday and I made a genuine attempt to attend and perform whenever I could. The place was packed every week, mostly because there was nothing else to do in Parkland and this was the only off-campus hangout that didn’t card. I had just started writing originals with my first band, but we never ended up finishing anything that’d resemble a setlist. Instead, we picked a handful of songs we could cover on two acoustic guitars and I made my guitarist drive out to Parkland every week to sing Title and Registration with me. Title isn’t a great karaoke-style song, so it must’ve been fairly punishing watching us squawk our way through Death Cab’s masterpiece of a down-tempo acoustic ballad. I didn’t care. I was so enamored by the simple fact that I could write my name down on the list and go up there and sing Title and Registration to fifty-odd people and no one would stop us until we were done. This was a new Title and Registration, a rediscovery of the joy for the song that I hadn’t yet felt. Playing it live was like hearing it for the first time again.

    Two days ago, I read this interview with Earl from the Guardian. Earl reflects on being 29 and being so separated from the slur-slinging sixteen year old of his youth. It's not often we get to watch an artist progress so publicly from such a young age, and even less common when they happen to be the same age as you. I won’t pretend to say I can draw any direct parallels between my life and Earl’s besides the general feeling of maturity that happens across his career. EARL and Doris are albums made by a young guy, mad at the world and mad at his depression and mad at his dad. It won’t be until Some Rap Songs that we start to see a “joyful” Earl album. That transition from angry young man to a calmer, wiser tone isn’t unique to Earl’s experience, either. You can see it in lots of artists’ discographies; compare the first Mountain Goats albums to the dad-rock Darnielle puts out now. That’s not who Earl is anymore.  “I had to make myself inhabitable,” he says in the interview. 

    It’s not who I am anymore, either, but not to the extent of necessity that Earl talks about. I don’t listen to the EARL mixtape anymore, but I do still love Doris. But it’s different now; I’m only reconnecting to that 16-19 year old Jeff rather than creating a completely new bond with the music. If I hadn’t listened to some of this so much when I was young, I don’t know that I’d like it now, honestly. That scares me a bit; that you can change so much over time. Parts of me that I thought were intrinsic to my sense of self are barely perceptible anymore. Let me be clear: I’m not lamenting the loss of my Odd Future fan aesthetic, but rather the passion I could feel for a group like Odd Future.

    On the other hand, I’ll never stop listening to Transatlanticism. Don’t ask me why its easy to fall in love with that song over and over again. 

    I’ve lost the plot here, though. I guess what I’m saying is the double whammy of two musical moments coalescing so clearly in my hindsight at the same time did something to me. In a move both retro- and introspective, I’ve spent some time recalling the music I listened to at 12, and at 16, and at 19, and at 23, and at 28. A lot of it is the same as it was back then, just matured a little. This musical maturing is something I’ve felt very closely these past few months. 

    I’ve recently come into a time of funemployment in my life, which has given me an unprecedented opportunity to sit around and overthink things to drive myself mad with worry. First and foremost of these worries (even before the “damn, I should find another job” one) is how I can get more music finished. With one band playing shows with a soon-to-be stale setlist, and two more on the cusp of getting off the ground, I've been playing and writing more music in the past two months since any time before in my life, including when I was a full-time music student. I look back on the band I started when I was a freshman, and I look back at the Save Bandit album from five years ago with a mix of embarrassment, pride, and contempt. There’s always gonna be nitpicking you’ll do about how we recorded this part, or the riff on that part, and I’m over that initial wave of self-criticism. Where I’m at now is a complicated mix between desires for dissociation and preservation. Dissociative because I would prefer if people heard new music when they search up Save Bandit after a show, and preservation because I have an anthropological and ethical necessity to preserve relics of culture forever for future generations. Like a blogspot from 2008 with niche screamo releases in media zips. 

    I don’t think this feeling ever goes away. Earl struggles throughout his seven album career, and probably won’t ever escape. Despite Title and Registration’s two-decade presence in my head, I’ll never be able to stop singing it. The best I can do with it is dissect the parts of me that resonated with it originally.

    Anyways, Save Bandit’s playing the Bayside Cafe in Everett on October 13th and we’ll be doing a Title and Registration cover. 


Wednesday, October 4, 2023

Stop Making Sense

 I’m gonna talk about how I saw Stop Making Sense in theaters last night and it changed my life. 

I'm not a film critic, but I wouldn’t say I’m unfamiliar with concert docs. One of the first DVDs I personally owned was AC/DC Live in Donington, which became a formative memory in my personal history of rock music. I’m not unfamiliar with documentaries about the personal lives of bands, either; I make a point to watch Some Kind of Monster once a year. Stop Making Sense blew everything out of the water, and it’s not even close.

We used to host gigs in the basement of our four bedroom rental with a broken PA and mixer like all good, god-fearing punks do at one point or another. Locals and touring acts would play sets without any hard and fast end time, mostly just going until they were too drunk or too tired to continue (we always put out free beer to make sure they didn’t go longer than 30 or 40 minutes). These artists are always playing to a room of like, 20 people max. I think the biggest show we had was a New Year’s Eve gig and we might’ve pushed 60 people into our basement and backyard. Cover was pay-what-you-want always, and we never offered a guarantee. We hosted these gigs because we believed live music needed a place to thrive outside of the capitalist hellscape of the music industry and we wanted artists to have access to an intimate space where they could perform directly to an audience that had no choice but to give them their rapt attention. Turns out, if you play the music loud enough in a room small enough, this’ll work. 

In our basement shows, I watched emo bands spill their guts and indie-pop artists dance their hearts out. Kids lost their minds trying to mosh in a ten-by-ten space while precariously avoiding the sharp edges on the fireplace mantle. Hardcore bands threw themselves against the walls so much I was afraid we’d lose our deposit (we did). Every time we did a show, people couldn’t tear their eyes away, except to cut loose. 

On the other hand, I’ve seen big bands on reunion tours go on stage and deliver the saddest “I’m-out-of-money-and-nobody-likes-my-solo-records” performances on earth. American Football’s first tour back, Duster’s reunion tour, Algernon Cadawallader’s sputtering start-and-stop show at Neumos; I’m generally stoked to see these bands but had a hard time focusing on the music, and I like to think the crowds at these shows agreed with me. None of them had the charisma to command an audience the way you could when the only thing between you and the crowd was a microphone and five feet of space. There’s just too much space between you - we can’t see your face or hear the hurt or recoil from your beer-stained breath. 

What Demme and Byrne accomplish in Stop Making Sense is the reconnection of the performer to the audience, and most importantly, they make it last far into the future. Byrne’s presence on stage is as a ritual casting shaman leading a congregation of pagan worshippers in cult sacrifice. It’s a knife cutting through the curtain of monotony of my life revealing a world so bright and saturated I can’t look away. Close cuts to Byrne during Psycho Killer create a direct route from his lips straight to my brain, and they’ll continue to take this road for the entire 88 minutes. It’s like every time he cuts to that gaunt man Byrne’s body is beamed directly into my cortex.

Byrne’s dance moves are the real encapsulation, though. Wide shots of him flopping across the stage set against the rest of the band who mostly keep to their blocking make him the centerpiece of the show. The rest of the band has moments where they match his moves, but these are always sloppy enough that it feels like a spontaneous explosion rather than a planned break in their stand still. 

Let’s talk about the lamp. When Byrne started dancing with the lamp, I wanted to cry. It was so beautiful. Here we see a man broken down and reconstituted by love and energy and pure dancing. He throws the lamp back and forth, teasing the audience with the possibility that it might land on stage and shatter. It never does. Byrne manages to toss the thing to himself four times before collapsing on it like he’s falling into a lover’s arms for the first time in a long time. And I felt it. 

40 years on from the Talking Heads iconic performance I still felt the energy and pure unadulterated joy bursting off of that stage in 1984. 40 years on from that performance and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a band put out that specific flavor of on-stage elation. Byrne’s like 30 feet from the closest audience member and I know for certain they can’t pull their eyes off him. And Demme was able to capture it exactly how it felt. 

From the close ups of Byrne and the other band members cast in shadow from under-lighting to the “gymnasium light” Byrne absolutely needed for the opening number, the performance of the band is caught tenderly in the camera’s lens. Demme pioneers live concert filmography by lighting the stage entirely from the left on one night, and then from the right on the second night so they can cut the pieces together. What emerges is a performance in pseudo-perfection: everyone is lit at just the right moment, everyone gets a spotlight, and the band had four tries to get their on-stage energy to match exactly.

Somewhere out there, there exist a handful of videos of my band playing various house basements in the Pacific Northwest. Most of these are unlistenable blown-out recordings taken on a straight-to-tape camcorder or a conglomeration of iPhone camera shots stitched together in an attempt to leave a record of our existence at that space, at that time, doing what we did. None of these videos have multiple camera angles, nor am I wearing a big suit or dancing nearly as much or as well as Byrne does. Our most interesting production involved projecting images from Skate 3 playthroughs and episodes of The Office behind us while we played. Still, there are some special moments there, when the band gets in sync, and I’m not worrying about forgetting lyrics, and I can look across to my homies playing the songs we wrote in front of some 20-odd 20-somethings in a basement who are completely and utterly enraptured by us, and I get it. I get why Byrne sprints laps around the stage during Life During Wartime; it’s because he physically has to. His body will erupt if he doesn’t. I’ve had those moments where you’re dancing during the instrumental break and you run over to your bandmates to try to make them laugh at your moves. It feels amazing, and Byrne feels it more than most other humans could ever hope to. Demme captures that energy, bottles it, and loads it into a plasma gun that he fires point-blank at my head, killing me instantly. 



Tuesday, October 3, 2023

D&D Engagement Bait

The engagement bait posts have finally landed in the D&D circles on Twitter. At least this time, the post is going around without that stupid Kevin James image attached. At the risk of diving into a realm where I invite the worst dorks you know to come in and tell me I’m wrong, I’ve got some thoughts that’ve been buzzing around in my head for years now that I’m gonna try to parse through here.

When I saw the post going around, I had two gut responses immediately for my controversial D&D opinions. The first, and probably least controversial, is that the game does not lend itself as well to roleplaying as CR and its fans want to believe. There’s been tons and tons of moaning and humbugging about Critical Role and I’m not here to shit on those actors or their production company. They’re just trying to get their bag and they managed to do it by playing a goofy game online for ten years. That’s good. What’s bad is the expectation their legions of fresh D&D players have put on the game. They expect rich storytelling and deep characters with trauma-filled backstories and a novel’s worth of dialogue their DM can pull out of their ass. This has been largely bad for the game, but not for the reason “gatekeepers” (a useless term) want you to think.

Here’s the other problem: CR is a company. They exist to make money. Because of this, they have to tone their show to appeal to the widest possible audience. This means turning off any of the (to use the McElroys’ word for it) “bad vibes” that could arise in the natural flow of storytelling. They have to do this to keep the show on Twitch/Youtube; they can’t play out a plotline about tiefling genocide when it’ll make those viewers  uncomfortable, right? What follows is a generation of conflict-adverse D&D zoomers and zillennials who become distraught whenever something akin to violence occurs.

    There’s no shortage of the people coming out in droves to chide Wizards over whatever perceived or projected injustice they printed in a supplement about literally enslaved monkey-men. Or the weird hubbub that emerged after the release of Baldur’s Gate 3 around the tieflings/druids conflict. People claimed the way the druids treated the tieflings (racistly) made them uncomfortable. That’s good, though. Racism should make you uncomfortable. Those feelings you have when you engage with a fictional story with real-world parallels are supposed to be introspective moments where you consider how you might improve yourself and the world around you, instead of decrying how bad it made you feel that they called someone a fantasy slur.

    I am begging you to stop imprinting on fantasy stories. I am begging you to read any book. Conflict arises in the real world based on perceived and invented boundaries and differences drummed up by racists, fascists, and worse. It should feel good to roleplay kicking those peoples’ teeth in. 

The second impulsive hot take I spat out was about how most modern D&D players have never opened a rulebook from any previous edition (there’s a non-zero chance a significant portion have never opened any rulebook, even). The game’s transition to a roleplaying-heavy experience (due in small part to the success of CR and other streamed shows) has made the combat and actual rolling mechanics feel secondary to the social pillar of the game. This ties into the previous gripe, but also has its own dire consequence: without an understanding of where D&D’s roots in wargaming, the player base has shifted away from what the game was originally intended to do - which is, replicate a wargame experience on a small, dungeon-crawling scale. 

    This goes deeper, though. It’s easy to say, “sure, but D&D isn’t a wargame like it was 50 years ago.” And you’d be right! But, the current incarnation of D&D is weighed down by its years and years of solidly wargaming mechanics and it’ll never be able to shake them while remaining as a recognizable D&D game. I mean, the 5e Player’s Handbook is 50% combat rules. 

    Take it this way: in 2008, WotC released 4th Edition and it was a huge flop. They tried to move away from the bloated D20 system that they had (in their eyes) erroneously granted everyone access to, thereby allowing a swathe of technically-official books and supplements that they really wished they hadn’t. Because of this we got weird products spawned from the dankest basements of the midwest like The Book of Erotic Darkness. 

    In an attempt to distance themselves from that sort of narrow-appeal products, they launched 4th with a completely new combat system. PCs maxed out at like four or five powers each; two at-wills and a combination of encounter and daily powers that would get swapped out at each level. Basically no abilities could be used outside of combat, and the ones that could had all the flavor and excitement of plain oatmeal. 

    This was D&D’s first major departure from the standard wargaming style and it was an abysmal failure. We knew the d20 system was fine, and the massive failure of 4th edition was what ultimately saw the meteoric rise of Pathfinder, which was effectively a 3.5 skin with some balancing at the time. 4th failed because it was trying to take the core pieces of the d20 system (roll a d20, add relevant modifier, compare to the DC) and append a digitally-inspired gameplay experience onto it. I mean, they even started designating classes as Tanks, Healers, or Damage.  The open-ended gameplay of a D&D campaign was suddenly siloed into Overwatch with extra steps.

    Now, WotC is again trying to move away from the wargame aspect of D&D. The entire system was “dumbed down” to remove rules bloat and make game management easier on DMs. The Advantage/Disadvantage system and a compression of the top-end of skill checks meant that player’s bonuses were, on average, lower per level. I’ll relent that 5th finally got skill checks right in a simple, if uncreative way. 

     5th Edition is split into three “pillars” of play, each ostensibly as important as the other. The pillars are combat, social, and exploration, and supposedly the game supports each the same. Here’s the issue, though: I’ve yet to play a D&D game where all three are touched on consistently. This isn’t to bash any of my previous DMs; they’ve all been great and we have amazing memories of our campaigns together. Where I take issue with the pillars is the false promise of mechanics to support each of them.

    Anyone who’s tried to run Tomb of Annihilation knows that the exploration mechanics are lacking, especially when the exploration is scaled up to a hex-crawl across many square miles of jungle. My group’s campaign was frequently mired for days in-game rolling survival checks to advance one hex, then rolling for encounters, then progressing on until something happened. The party knew their goal, they knew their objective, but then spent several sessions simply traveling there. I know many DMs would say to just omit the boring travel bits, but that would mean ignoring something like 40% of the written content in a book I just paid $50 for. 

    Social interaction, on the other hand, is almost entirely up to your DM to resolve. If they aren’t a trained actor/improviser/writer, they’re going to have trouble. Getting information to your characters is its own struggle, but what if they want to interact with those NPCs, rather than just listen to them? Persuasion, Intimidation, and Deception pull the players into declaring mechanical rolls to achieve ends, and are frequently muddied by the actual things PCs say to NPCs. And I’m not just talking about the group of murder-hobos we’ve all been a part of; I’m talking about well-designed social encounters with stakes that won’t be mitigated by persuasions.

    For all its failings, 4th did try to address this by rolling out the “skill challenge,” where the party as a group has to pass X skill checks out of Y attempts to succeed. This could be as simple as climbing a rock wall; each player describes what they do to scale the wall (“I use a rope,” “I cast fly,” “I find handholds along the surface to climb,” etc) and the DM determines the type of check for each action. Players take it in turns resolving their actions, and then the cycle repeats. Turning skill checks or social interactions into pseudo-combat wasn’t the best solution, but it kept with the design philosophy of the time, which was to remove rules bloat and streamline games. 

    My point here is that D&D doesn’t work well when it deviates from the basic concepts that were set out for it in the first edition. For a game originally with such finely-tuned and math-heavy mechanics like THAC0, simplicity just doesn’t translate. And when your game is bloated with rules, you have less players willing to invest in the start-up to learn the game. And therefore less cash, which rules everything around me (WotC). Decisions get made to make the rules palatable to a wider audience, that wider audience demands more palatable settings and flavor than previous editions, and the company relents because this new fanbase eclipses the original. They ditch the weird settings like Dark Sun and Kalamar in favor of market research-backed Strixhaven and Ravnica. Ability scores are no longer tied to race, because that’s perceived as ethno-essentialism or something like that. Psionics were erased for being too complicated. Prestige classes are gone and instead a rigid subclass system locks PCs into one of three flavors for each class. Seriously, if we get another supplement that's just like “what if this martial class… but divine?” or a stapled-on wild magic ability I’m gonna scream. 

    What we’re left with is a game that doesn’t trust its current fanbase with complex story elements beyond such as “slavery bad” nor does it trust them with the mechanics to engage in complex wargaming and character-building.

    Really, what I’m saying is a lot of TTRPG fans could do with the smallest amount of class consciousness to realize that Wizards will always make decisions that make them the most money. The game will continue down the path WotC has set it upon, and you should probably invest in physical copies of your favorite previous editions before it becomes unplayable. 

 

Thursday, September 28, 2023

Gnoll

 I've been easing myself back into fiction writing lately. Here's some "lore" (read: fanfic) about the goblin barbarian I've been playing in a friend's D&D campaign. Since the release of Mordenkainen's Tome of Foes, I've been really interested in the demon lord Yeenoghu and his twisted pack of freakish hyena-men. Sort of reminds me of the neglected Beastmen from Warhammer Fantasy. That scene in Baldur's Gate 3 gave me a lot of inspiration for this bit. I did, in fact, name Skarsnik after the famous goblin from Total War: Warhammer, too. Please don't sue me GW.


        He watched the grotesque thing change.

What had once been the lifeless carcass of some plains-scavenging canine twitched and spasmed before him. Its rotted tendons jolted subtly at first, disturbing the foliage around the corpse and sending slight rustles through the air. Then it’s jaw began to twitch. The half-gone tendons forcing the jaw to click slowly together, and apart. Together, and apart. Like some drowning fish gasping for water when beached or thrown into a fisherman’s net.

The full body convulsions that followed were startling. The corpse bent horizontally along the spine with such violence the thing leapt several feet into the air. It flopped once, twice, and then, in an explosion of gore, tore itself apart from the inside.

The sudden eruption of viscera put Skarsnik on the back foot, and he instinctively reached for the handle of his greataxe. Dropping low to the ground, he watched as before him stood the product of the cursed transfiguration; standing on two digitigrade legs a full seven feet up, a hideous humanoid warped beyond recognition. A body that appeared both toned and malnourished simultaneously was topped by a swollen hyena’s head, lips peeled back in a rictus grin. Its patchy and bloodsoaked fur gave way to spots of gray skin. A maddened giggle escaped past rows of needle teeth, rising to a shrieking cackle as it sniffed the air. 

Skarsnik was not phased. Through a combination of blind bravery and pure stupidity, he refused to let this abomination’s theatrics shake him. Where his lesser kin would run, Skarsnik would slay.

The beast, ostensibly sensing Skarsnik’s presence (or perhaps tasting his bravado on the quiet breeze) dropped to all fours and tasted the air, doing its best to suppress its constant laughter. 

Skarsnik was on the move, circling silently around to the thing’s flank. A goblin’s lifetime spent skulking through forests and hiding out in leafage had made him a master at slinking unnoticed. The Gnoll’s ears twitched about, but it did not turn its head in his direction.

He came within six feet of it before he struck. Drawing in a full breath, Skarsnik raised his ax above his head and charged. He shouted no war cry as he came on; Skarsnik was stupid, but he was cunning enough to execute an ambush.

The reward for Skarsnik’s guile was the satisfactory crunch that came from the gnoll’s back as the wide blade of the greataxe sunk into its flesh. The beast’s low giggling sharpened to a howling screech as it rolled away, dislodging the ax and a hunk of its own flesh to boot.

Now, with the pretense of stealth gone, Skarsnik bellowed a wordless war cry in response. Despite his relative size and lung capacity, his shout cut out above the gnoll’s panicked chittering. He charged again. He would not allow the thing to recover.

This time, though, the gnoll was ready. It spun to face him, channeling the momentum into a wide swing with its claws. The blow caught Skarsnik full in the chest and sent him careening into the trunk of a tree some distance away. He hit the ground hard, and heard the thing cackling at him as it approached.

Skarsnik rolled onto his belly, looked up, and saw two things that frustrated him. First, the gnoll’s dumb beginning to wear on his nerves. Second, in his short flight to the tree trunk, he’d dropped his ax some fifteen feet away. Just about equidistant between him and the gnoll. 

This was the only instant Skarsnik took. Immediately he was up and running as fast his goblin legs would carry him. At the same time he drew his handax from the leather loop that bound it to his hip. He raised his arm, and let fly. 

The ax flew end over end through the air, leaving Skarsnik’s hand at good speed. Had he the time to think, he would’ve admired this as one of his best tosses to date. In a fraction of a second, the blade was embedded in the gnoll’s chest, but the fur-covered demon came on, hardly stumbling and laughing even harder. 

They reached the greataxe in the same moment. The gnoll clawed out at Skarsnik as he dove and then somersaulted underneath it. 

He felt his hand grasp the handle of his weapon, his fingers sliding into grooves worn into the leather from years of wielding it in that exact grip. He knew he had no time to think. He swung the immense blade in a horizontal arc without standing, blindly hoping for contact.

Skarsnik’s swing was vindicated when he felt the blade collide with, and then pass through two separate objects. He didn’t stop to check, instead rolling over on his side two, three times to put distance between himself and the beast.

It was a good thing, too. As the adrenaline-fueled thumping in his ears subsided, Skarsnik heard the beast whining in pain. He’d cut clean through the creature’s legs and it thrashed about familiarly on the ground. 

Skarsnik felt no pity for the thing. A creation of pure evil and chaos, it cried out now only because it knew it would never wreak the wanton destruction it was obsessed with. It deserved no putty. Not that Skarsnik had ever been a merciful one. 

He crossed the several paces to the dying gnoll and unceremoniously brought his ax down on its neck. With a final sharp bark, it fell silent.

Skarsnik bent down and retrieved his throwing ax from the thing’s chest. Then he lifted one of its arms and hewed the paw from its limb at the wrist. He fastened it to to his belt, alongside three others like it, and set off into the forest once again.


Sunday, December 12, 2021

Legends Legends: Dakkon Blackblade part four: Finishing Moves

 Richard Kane-Ferguson

    Richard Kane-Ferguson is the artist behind the truly villaionous artwork for Dakkon Blackblade. He's captured the classic "evil swordsman" trope beautifully; everything from the glowing eyes set in the skull on his shoulder, or the spikes on his gauntlet and weapon, or his nasty snarl, RKF brought this character to life instantly.



     His style is unique and essential to early MTG. The dreamy, ethereal environments and gloomy portraits feature as some of my favorite cards in the game. His work is peppered throughout the original class of Legends Legendaries. I’ve included some RKF-art versions of staples, as well as a few flavor picks to round out the deck. 

-Dakkon, Shadow Slayer

    His new incarnation, granted a Planeswalker card type at long last. He’s a fairly simple gimmick; cast him whenever you can, generate value by digging through the deck or removing (Exiling!) a creature here or there, then grab whatever equipment you banked in your graveyard earlier with his final loyalty ability. Flames have been added for dramatic effect, and a pedestal with an orb sits within pondering distance of Dakkon. The card was also printed with a more "updated" variant, with artwork by Jake Murray, and a "sketch" variant of RKF's art. 

-Arcane Denial

When it comes to RKF, you’re spoiled for Counterspell alternatives. And by that I mean you have a single spell with two different printings in the same set (sound familiar?) Arcane Denial’s first appearance all the way back in Alliances had two separate versions, Axe (22a) and Sword (22b). Arcane Denial is a Counterspell for one and a blue instead a true Counterspell's two blue, an advantage in a deck running two other colors. The drawback is your opponent may draw up to two cards on the next upkeep. I prefer this over other disruption;  it replaces that spell you just countered (and then some), but it doesn’t do so until the following turn. In a multiplayer pod, that next turn isn’t necessarily that opponent’s turn, and board states can change drastically by the time the round actually comes back to you. 

-Korlash, Heir to Blackblade

    Ok, I’ll admit it. In this deck, Korlash is bad. He’s here for looks alone. Grandeur does basically nothing in this format (with the exception of one insane combo involving Words of Wind, Chromatic Sphere, and the timing on when you “pay” the cost of abilities). He’s only great when I can get all 7 or 8 of my Swamp type lands into play. It’s a careful balancing act when I need him as a threat but also need to continue casting nonblack spells. He also regenerates, which is just a favorite mechanic of mine, it’s not great or cost-effective, but it’s neat to have the option. 

-Profane Tutor

    You’ve got to have some tutors. Why not run the one with Dakkon in the art? At ~$3 (at the time of writing), this card is cheap alternative to Demonic Tutor. In an opening hand, this card shines. Cast as early as turn two, and resolve it when the board has developed a bit more and you’ll know better what you need. Sure, you’re broadcasting the spell for two whole turns to a board of blue commanders sometimes, that shouldn’t stop you from saving ~$40 on a card that has a retro frame printing. An interesting note: Profane Tutor spiked in price in the weeks following it's release, which I find odd considering it's always going to be a functionaly worse version of Demonic Tutor, and maybe about even with a Diabolic Tutor

-Blackblade Reforged (Signature Spellbook)

    Of course you must include THE Blackblade. I shouldn’t have to explain why; just know that at two mana it’s an amazing tutor target for Tribute Mage. RKF’s version, from Signature Spellbook: Gideon, rules. 

    Finally, I made the choice to not include any of the mentions of Gideon and the Blackblade, even though there are a few more cards featuring them. Most aren’t particularly exciting for this deck, and Gideon hardly deserves the Blackblade, incapable of even killing Bolas with it. (Bolas did enchant it years prior to their fight to make the blade harmless to Elder Dragons… but that’s not important). 

    That wraps up the Dakkon Blackblade primer for the Legends Legends series. Next week I'll be building a new deck instead of one I've owned and played for years. Should be fun!

view the decklist here

Bemoaning the loss of useful media

     I don't know if it's my recent viewing of Lonesome Crowded West, the pitchfork Modest Mouse documentary, or just the general ma...